Pampering my loneliness

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I was functional and productive this week as I went about attending to work, projects, sport, friends and loved ones. I was faithful to my new year’s resolutions, prioritising what I was most passionate about which included working behind the scenes for a new initiative on mindfulness and mysticism. However, I experienced a bout of loneliness on Friday night which left a drain in my energy and spirit. It was meant to be a celebration of my week, but I got caught up on a train of impulsivity.  Next time I commit to being more aware of my loneliness and to apply the ‘3 P’s’  Continue reading

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My heaven and hell

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In 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, acclaimed clinical psychologist Jordan B. Peterson states: “You could help direct the world, on its careening trajectory, a bit more toward Heaven and a bit more away from Hell. Once having understood Hell, researched it, so to speak—particularly your own individual Hell—you could decide against going there or creating that. You could aim elsewhere. You could, in fact, devote your life to this. That would give you a Meaning, with a capital M”.

Facing the reality

This advice nudged me to pause and reflect as I lay in bed dreaming of a better life. So, I closed my eyes and imagined what my Hell might look like. It went something like: “Despair, anguish, lack of peace, addictions, uncontrollable impulses, distractions that diminish my energy and direction… a deadness of head, heart and body, a feeling of dread for living”. I was only too familiar with this reality, a reality that I tended to turn to again and again whether aware of it or not.
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The intent and way of tea

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I met with a meditation group called Deeper Space on Sunday, 4 November in the town of Newbridge, County Kildare, just an hour from Dublin city. We, an intimate group of three, finally settled down for a cup of tea in a local café after a spot of lunch elsewhere and a walk along the river.

Over the last year or so we have tried to create a ‘deeper space’ at different places by reflecting on themes such as living in the now, sacredness and intuition. We paused for a few minutes of silence and shared our thoughts and feelings with each other. Recently, we thought it would be good to try something new. Tea or coffee drinking had always been part of our meetings, so why not simply meet for tea – a daily ritual – and make this our meditation? Continue reading

Being truly human

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When I rush, I scratch my watch, I break its strap, I knock into another person’s shopping, I talk too quickly, I hinder my breathing…

For a person like myself who desires a contemplative lifestyle, I have to laugh at such rushing. I used to be struck by people who would comment on the intentions of mental health professionals – saying they were doing their jobs for their own purposes. “I became a psychiatrist because I was looking for a cure for myself,” said my uncle. Perhaps I want to become a contemplative for similar reasons.

The contemplative way

I am not that different from others. I have my own motives for doing things. I meditate because it keeps me sane. I pace myself with work tasks for it maintains my energy and direction. I unwind at night with a book because it helps me to sleep. I have the same basic needs as others. Continue reading

Smile when they frown!

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As I arrived home in Dublin after my holiday in Canada, I got an abrupt reminder that people have the potential to pull me down and take away my happiness.

A taxi-man who mutters

Right outside the airport, a taxi driver muttered and frowned when I gave him directions to my house. After 17 hours of travel, it caught me off guard for a moment. I asserted that I was perhaps better off getting another taxi, but in the end I took the lift. He muttered something again, and I gave him a short response and stayed quiet. On the road, I suddenly smiled with the realisation that the interaction didn’t have to ruin my day. We chatted for a little bit after a while and departed with less tension. Continue reading

A high five from friends!

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I could not quite believe my eyes as I checked my master’s degree results online, just before I returned home to Ireland on my holiday in Canada. The college website read, “First Class Honours”.

I first shared the news with my cousin’s partner who responded by giving me a hug and declaring that my act of faith beared fruit – that is, I believed if I put the effort and time into the Applied Spirituality programme that something good would come from it. I then told my cousin the news and got another warm embrace.

The long road

This positive result meant so much to me because I was keenly aware of how hard I worked over a number of years to make it happen. I was originally accepted onto the programme in 2013, but I had to decline a place due to my poor mental health. I had plenty of ambition back then, but I needed to be patient with my condition. Continue reading

How I live with others

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As I reviewed the statistics on my blog with regard the number of readers and the popularity of blog posts, I came to realise that the theme of relationships is particularly important for living with bipolar. I also know this to be true for myself as I often spend a lot of energy connecting the many webs of relationships in my life. With this in mind, I explore how I live with others in this blog post, and I will write about how others live with me at a later date. I hope that this focus will help people with bipolar and those who live with them (and indeed others) to experience ‘balanced mood for a balanced life’.

Letting go of my agenda

On the one hand, it is good for me to share my mental health condition with my family and friends, for example, when a medication change adversely affects my sleep. On the other hand, it is not good to overburden them with my pressing issues and concerns. They may not be ready to hear my story due to their own emotional needs, etc. However, there is usually someone available to help carry my cross; I usually decide to contact a person who actually wants to hear from me. I am rarely left to my own devices. When I express myself fully with this person and breathe a sigh of relief, I try not to ruminate over my problems – a never ending cycle of negative thinking that gets me nowhere. Continue reading