Dysphoria

Dysphoria

Dysphoria is a state of intense unease and agitation which can occur in different moods of bipolar. Here, I focus on a dysphoria of the healthy balanced mood.

Skewed normality

“People with bipolar complain of a dysphoria,” says psychiatrist Bernard Murphy, “and they’re intolerant of this mundane dysphoric state. The barometer of normality is influenced by the memory of the manic or hypomanic episode. And they look on their own affect as being below par, and they want to tick over a little bit higher.”

Yes, the barometer of normality is influenced by my memory. When I listen to people, laughing excessively often comes to mind. I often see balanced mood as abnormal, totally boring and unexciting. And it is daunting because it takes effort to be present with people. On the other hand, when I meet others who are overly sarcastic and a bit dangerous, I try to calm down and turn away from their excessiveness. There is a struggle here between my inner and outer life. My memory of depression or low mood can influence the barometer too.  

Real normality

Dr Bernard Murphy continues: “Most people with bipolar that I see like to take antidepressants. However, their use is like throwing a pebble in a lake and the ripples follow on – they have a mood destabilising effect. We don’t tend to challenge the patient to actually drop the antidepressant altogether and to face the normal fluctuations of affect which are normal in life”.

Just before Christmas, I noticed that my mood began to dip towards a depression. I tried different steps to get through it but my mood remained very low. So, I went to see a psychiatrist and I was given an antidepressant. My mood quickly lifted and the high stress of Christmas became a little easier. Then, I started to go higher: too little sleep and racing thoughts followed and I needed help again. My mental health clinic advised me to drop the antidepressant and to stay with my regular medication. I haven’t experienced a depressive episode since then, but I have gone through low mood quite a bit. Instead of taking antidepressants, I am striving to live in the balanced mood range.

Honouring my feelings

I made a telephone enquiry with regards my university records today. After a short conversation, the staff member decided to consult with his colleague. He then informed me of such a record. I felt shocked by what I heard but I didn’t express myself. He then went silent and said, “This is the figure. What you did with it was up to you”. I tried to stay calm, thanked him for his help, and said goodbye. My state of mind became a little disturbed; I was tempted to cave in and let this minor tension ruin my day. However, I continued with my other enquiries and made progress. I learned that it’s important to honour my feelings as part of interpersonal interactions and to be calm, content, and confident. And I predict that in doing so, I will maintain a balanced mood.  

Witnessing my experience

As indicated in a previous blog (The inner critic), it is important to step back at times and to become aware of what is really happening. For example, I did some research on behalf of my friend. But when I got to her house, I was frustrated because I wanted to do more research. Eventually, when I witnessed my experience, I realised that my research was a result of my want to relate to her. I then relaxed and smiled because I was able to let go of the research and prioritise on being with her. I became more silently present with myself and others.

6 thoughts on “Dysphoria

  1. Ashley Paxson Hennessey May 10, 2017 / 1:13 am

    Great post, as usual, Gav.

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    • dublinwriter101 May 10, 2017 / 7:38 am

      Thanks a lot Ashley! Best wishes, Gavin

      Like

  2. Margaret October 17, 2019 / 4:10 am

    Interesting read but Not sure here Gavin about your reference to anti depressants. Was this before a bipolar diagnosis as my understanding is diagnosis of depression & associated treatment with antidepressants can mask bipolar symptoms and thus delay diagnosis.

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    • dublinwriter101 October 17, 2019 / 10:48 am

      Thanks for the question Margaret. My main learning here was that it was best to endure the depressive episode. Right now I am low in mood and I know, even though I can’t feel it, that the sun will shine again! Blessings, Gavin

      Liked by 1 person

      • Margaret October 17, 2019 / 12:41 pm

        Thanks Gavin. I just wondered if a mood stabiliser had ever been suggested.
        I may have mentioned before my first acute episode aged 42yrs same age as mum when she had her one & only episode as e.c.t was given as first line of treatment( in vogue 1967). With me in 1998 when e.c.t given as last resort I was admitted x3 resulting in real dip in mood(suicide watch) on last admission & e.c.t then given. Been on mood stabiliser sodium valproate since.

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  3. dublinwriter101 October 17, 2019 / 12:49 pm

    Wow, what a journey Margaret. And interesting to hear what was in vogue then. Yes, my daily medication includes a mood stabiliser. On top of that I try to do what I can to maintain a balanced life. Blessing, Gavin

    Like

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